Is confidence holding women entrepreneurs back?

By Anja Kruska | Confidence

While we focus on confidence and think we are not confident enough, things are not happening.

Confidence is a must have while being in business. At least that is said. Everybody talks about confidence but sometimes I wonder if we really know what it means. The confidence inflation.

What is the issue with confidence?

It means I am self-secure. Secured in my self. Feeling comfortable with myself. Being myself.

I frequently recognise that searching for confidence keeps us women entrepreneurs away from implementing our loads of wisdom to support many more people. At least I know that several women business owners get frustrated of not feeling confident in performing well enough in what they want to implement.

First reason: we compare ourselves with our male colleague?s: ?They just do it without hesitation.? A strong believe developed in our society over years. Is it true? No I have coached several shattered men in business.

Second reason I often hear: ?I didn?t start the project because I wasn?t sure if somebody would be interested in it.?

Third reason: we are quite busy spending time searching for it.

Confidence (?k?nf?d(?)ns) the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something. (Oxford Dictionaries) Deriving from the Latin word ?confidere? meaning ?Have full Trust?.

Looking at myself and many other women entrepreneurs I coached and worked with, I know that when we think of confidence, small voices in our head turn up with their unwanted opinion. A conversation like this occurs:? I have faith in my business. Yes, I trust my skills and I am sure that people need this. But, Mmh, eh, I am not convinced that I will be good enough to achieve it.?

How does that sound to you?

Firstly you have faith in yourself, but then you don?t believe in it anymore. Why is this?

It?s a complex word being used too easily. But it is essential to question yourself, what it really is you feel. Lack of faith or trust in yourself. Are you not convinced or do you not believe it?

I discovered that belief is the number one emotion, which ignites nearly every time the insecurity and doubtful thoughts. Is it your belief or somebody else?s? And, if it is yours, is it still valid?

In his article ?How your unconscious beliefs from the past create our present? Vishen Lakhiani writes: ?As children we create?unconscious beliefs?and meaning about the world by trying to interpret what we?re experiencing with our fresh young minds. The problem is, much of the meaning we create about the world is?based on wrong conclusions. I mean, how wise were we as six-year-olds?But we then carry these ?conclusions? into adulthood not realising just how much they can cloud our experiences of life.? (Mindvalley).

Yet this morning a friend of mine said to me: ?Anja, you are very strict with yourself and your thoughts when it comes to your work. You have thoughts about the way things have to be finished. You repeat them again and again very severely like you hit yourself behind the ears. Because you say it so often you start believing that is the only way to finish a task. You have created a new reality. Does this belief help you? Are you happy with it?

I had to agree I was not happy with it. I was frustrated as it looks like a never-ending task.

I am glad that she said it. We ourselves are our worst bosses.

So I relaxed, looked at it again with more mildness to myself and could say: it is as it is, and that is good enough (even though not 100% perfect ?).

Make a reality check to feel confident.

Have a look at your daily thoughts. Do they bring you joy or do they make you unhappy.

Review from time to time your achievements. Are you satisfied with them? Yes, congratulations! No, than ask yourself whose standards are you trying to follow?

Have full trust in yourself!

 

  • Great topic, Anja. When I have full trust in myself, I feel great… Even when things don’t go as I like, I know I can still trust myself to find a solution… Trust also dispels fear… I like trusting me. Thank you for this great reminder.

    • Anja Kruska says:

      Thank you Saskia for your motivating comment. It is so important to trust yourself even when feeling the fear in your neck or things don’t go right as hoped. To feel and living trust increases your resilience. Then you quicker recognize fear as what it really is: False Evidence Appearing Real.

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